It has been two weeks since my Mom passed away unexpectedly. As people received word of her death, there was a constant onslaught of condolences and well-wishers. And shock.
In the ‘after’ – that time after a loss when people return to their everyday lives and activities, leaving the grieving family to process their grief alone – is when those left behind have a moment to breathe and think and grieve.
Everyone goes through their own grief process based on their personality, their individual coping mechanisms, and their support system.
Grief is typically described in stages:
- Denial – this can’t be happening
- Anger – why? And who can I blame?
- Bargaining – keep my loved one alive and I will be or do (X) – be a better person or go to church more. Fill in your own blanks.
- Depression – I’m so sad I don’t have the energy to do anything, including activities of daily living (bathing, eating, sleep, etc.).
- Acceptance – this has happened and there isn’t anything I can do about it.
Grief is a Journey
Grief is a journey none of us wants to travel. I certainly didn’t. Yet, at one point or another in our lives, we find ourselves traveling this road.
I believe I experience any of the stages at any point throughout my day.
What I have felt most profoundly today has been ANGER.
- At my mom for dying.
- At God for taking her wayyyy too soon.
- At the Universe for leaving me behind to step in as the oldest of her kids to take care of all the myriad things that need to be handled.
Today, the smallest of things has unleashed my anger. A pencil rolled off the desk; something fell in the kitchen; it took too long for my computer to boot up; someone called to check on how the family is doing…
I attended a webinar about motivation where the presenter said something along the lines of you can have a crappy mindset and still have the motivation to accomplish your goals.
This translated to me that I can be angry without wallowing in that anger and letting it stop me from becoming the amazing novelist my mom always told me I am.
By the end of the webinar, I felt better.
3 Tips to Deal with Your Anger
Here are my top three tips for dealing with your anger and allowing it to motivate you to reach your goals, while honoring how you’re feeling:
- Feel your feelings. There is nothing wrong with being angry. It’s a part of the process.
- Journal your feelings. Write about it. You can do this generally (i.e. I’m so angry….) or you can go bigger and write a letter to the person who passed, to God or your Source, to the Universe, etc. Let it all out. This is only for you. I also encourage you to write by hand and let the words flow.
- Ask for support. I have a special group of friends I know I can reach out to and they will surround me in love. I also have reached out to a grief counselor because I recognize I need the extra help.
We all experience grief in our own way, whether we go through each of the five stages individually or whether we go through them seemingly all at once.
I had a choice to make:
- I could remain angry at the world and everything and everyone in it or
- I could acknowledge my feelings and continue to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
Does this mean I’m not still angry? Not at all. It just means that I have consciously decided to continue to live and do as my son has said, “We have to make grandma proud, right mom?”
Try not to allow your grief – in my case anger – to consume you. It would be so easy for me to become stuck in my outrage. But, that is not how I want to honor my Mom’s memory and make her proud.
Need more self-care tips including info on incorporating more laughter into your day, head on over to A Cup of Positivity on Facebook join the discussion.
Discover the Power of Self-Love
Self-love is not selfish.
Learning to love yourself is on of the most difficult things you will ever do on this journey called life. It’s okay to take care of your needs first. This doesn’t mean you aren’t going to take care of your To-Do list. It simply means you’re changing priorities so that you put yourself first.
My Self-Love Journal is a powerful tool that will help you reconnect with yourself and explore what makes you unique. You will understand why self-love is so important.
Inside you will find:
- Why self-love matters,
- Prompts to help you connect with who you are,
- Space to record your thoughts and feelings
This Journal is designed to encourage and empower you to set up your own self-love routine.
You owe it to yourself to become the best version of yourself you can be.
Pick up your copy here TODAY.
Patricia “Pat” Bumpass is a ghostwriter, self-care advocate, author, and parent coach. She encourages and empowers women and parents with special needs kids to love themselves. Pat is North Carolina “born and bred” and loves coffee — hot or iced. You will often hear her say, “Twertles make me happy.” 🙂
Join my newsletter at www.patriciabumpass.com.